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The Earth-Noise Intervene
Let's just stay in here and ignore what sounds like too much plot outside
Oh my. 
25th-Jan-2009 04:32 pm
marvel - purple barton
Title: Press-Ganged
Summary: It's just a little too much for John to take.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Word Count: 1332
Rating/Warnings: NC-17
Pairing: Daniel/John/Rodney
A/N: Written for Oxoniensis's Porn Battle VII, posted here for length.

John has had a really long time- almost five years, in fact- to metabolize the fact that Rodney does something to him. Not all the time- it's just that when he starts getting excited and talking rapidly about things that John doesn't understand and flailing his arms, John notices.

In his pants.

Y'know, the bad kind of noticing.

And Rodney fights with the other scientists all the time, so it's not anything John hasn't seen before. Usually, he's fighting with Radek- who's not really John's type- so usually, he's okay.

Except that right now, he's fighting with Daniel Jackson, who, as it turns out, is totally John's type. And they're screaming at each other and waving their hands at each other and talking a mile a minute about wormholes and subspace and math and whatever the fuck- and if John notices any harder, he's going to pop a button.

John realizes that Rodney is snapping his fingers at him. Daniel's giving him a weird look too- dammit, how long has he been standing there staring like an idiot? “What?”

“Lift up that panel,” Rodney orders him, pointing to something just out of everybody else's reach. John does it, swinging it up out of the way and keeping his front firmly facing the wall.

They crowd him so much that he ends up having to turn. And, of course, Rodney cocks his hip out at the wrong time and he has to aim for Daniel- who steps in even closer and starts arguing with Rodney over the state of the wiring.

The noise John makes is totally not a whimper.

Rodney is talking about rerouting power and buffers and Daniel keeps saying that it's going to overload the dilithium crystals- and John is almost certain they're just fucking with him now, but he's too busy trying to figure out what he's going to write in his daily report if he comes all over himself right now. Fostering communication with SG-1? Showing Dr. Jackson Atlantis's gratitude?

They let him loose, finally, and he backs away as quickly as he can. “I'm gonna, um,” he tries to think of something that sounds nothing like pray for a merciful death or go jerk off in that crawlspace next to the transporter, “leave.”

He thinks he's in the clear for about fifteen seconds- but then here come the scientists. They're walking quite quickly, really, and they just sort of scoop John up, each of them grabbing him by an arm.

“You owe me all of the new Battlestar,” Rodney tells Daniel as they manhandle John into the transporter, and what the fuck, is Rodney trading him for television? That ass. At least he could have gotten some Big Bang Theory out of the deal, or better yet, Torchwood- they're already a season behind.

“I thought the bet was fifty bucks,” Daniel says as Rodney activates the transporter.

“Money I have no use for,” he declares after the beam spits them out in one of the unused areas of the southeast pier. “Genre television, on the other hand.”

John realizes quite suddenly that he has absolutely no idea what's going on. He knows what he very much hopes is about to happen, but for all he knows, they're going to teach him to two-step or beat the crap out of him or something.

His fears are somewhat allayed when Rodney palms open a door and drags him inside. It's a residential area- one of the nice ones with a sitting room in front. He figures they're going to steer him into the bedroom, but Rodney leads them around in front of the window instead, and they just sort of drop him forward onto this big ottoman thing.

“Hey,” he says intelligently when Rodney pulls his shirt off over his head, not bothering to unbutton it, and Daniel starts freeing him of his boots.

“Hush,” Rodney tells him, just as Daniel gets his arms around John and starts unbuttoning the fly of his BDUs, and John forgets that he's supposed to argue.

They probably haven't been here for two solid minutes, and already John is completely bareassed, Rodney in front of him zipping down his fly- and John spares a second to think O'Neill never said anything about this before he takes Rodney's cock into his mouth.

“Can I?” Daniel says from behind him, running his hand over his backside, and John can hear the rustling of clothing coming undone.

“Please, be my guest,” Rodney tells him, and John really wants to protest about such cavalier treatment of his ass, but, well, he can't talk with his mouth full, now can he? He can moan, though- it's totally embarrassing that he feels the need to, but it's kind of like all of his pornographic dreams are coming true at once.

“You're such a whore,” Rodney says, patting John's hair affectionately. John's certain it's just to get his goat, but honestly, he kinda feels like one, and it feels, y'know, kinda good. He decides just to go with it, bobbing his head a little and working his tongue against Rodney's shaft.

Daniel is rubbing something wet and slippery into him. It's probably some kind of lubricant from the labs that is probably going to give him cancer somewhere down the line, but Daniel's fingers are stretching him open, and he really, really doesn't care.

“You carry KY in your jacket?” Rodney asks, and John can't decide if he's relieved or concerned.

“I've been going offworld for over a decade,” Daniel huffs. “There are some things you just learn to have.”

“Huh,” he replies, contemplatively. He slaps John lightly on the cheek, and John realizes he's been too distracted to keep sucking. “Pay attention.”

To think that he would possibly be capable of doing so at a time like this is to give him far, far too much credit, especially because now Daniel is knocking his knees wide open and pressing inside of him in one hard thrust. John moans again- still just as embarrassing the second time- and after that his brain is pretty much a lost cause.

He sort of knows what a blow-up doll feels like, because he's really not doing anything but taking it. Rodney fucks his mouth in long, sure strokes, not going deep enough to cut of his air but not fucking around about it either, while Daniel seems to prefer short, hard motions that drive his cock right into John's prostate. His orgasm slams through him in a ridiculously short amount of time- and Rodney and Daniel just keep right on going, like they don't particularly care if John minds or not, which John would probably have a problem with if he knew where his brain was right now.

He's hard again by the time Daniel finishes, cursing in something that is definitely not English and coming inside him- which is fine, because Rodney's there as soon as Daniel's out of the way, shoving himself inside John so deep that John thinks he should be able to taste it.

“C'mon,” he says into John's ear, getting his hand between John and the ottoman and stroking his cock a little roughly. “Come for me,” he tells him, and that's fucking it, as far as John's concerned. He spills helplessly into Rodney's hand; he thinks Rodney probably comes after he does, but there could be a nuclear blast ten feet away and he wouldn't even register it.

“Did we kill him?” he hears Daniel ask after a little while.

“He'll be fine,” Rodney assures him. “Worst case scenario, we can just dump him out the window.”

“Full of DNA evidence?”

“It doesn't matter- we'd be dropping him into the ocean.”

“Hate you guys,” John tells them. They don't hear him, though- they've started arguing again, this time about genetic testing and salt water.

John hugs the ottoman and prays for a quick death.

The crawlspace is too far, and besides, he can't walk anyway.
25th-Jan-2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
Hot sex and humour, a winning combination. My favourite lines:

if John notices any harder, he's going to pop a button

Rodney's there as soon as Daniel's out of the way, shoving himself inside John so deep that John thinks he should be able to taste it.#

The way that Daniel and Rodney start fighting again as soon as the sex is over seems very in character. Poor John, overpowered by too geeks and ravished.
27th-Jan-2009 07:33 am (UTC)
Poor Daniel and Rodney- they were really cooperating there for a minute! Think of the scientific progress that could have been made!

And thanks!
25th-Jan-2009 11:29 pm (UTC)

As the prompt submitter, SQUEEE THANK YOU EEE! for melting John with the combined power of geektalk and me with the hotness. \o/ So, so humorous John PoV, and smug!McKay is so in character, and I love how they start arguing in earnest at the end and the callback to John's "options". :D
27th-Jan-2009 07:12 am (UTC)
Hurrah, I'm so glad you liked it!
25th-Jan-2009 11:56 pm (UTC)
3some porn + snark == win
27th-Jan-2009 07:13 am (UTC)
Heh, thanks!
26th-Jan-2009 02:02 am (UTC)
Excellent, excellent threesome. Poor John, except, you know, not. :-D
27th-Jan-2009 07:16 am (UTC)
Totally not. :) Thanks!
26th-Jan-2009 03:20 am (UTC)
Yup, that's a good way to end the day. Mmmm. Used, blissed-out John is never a bad thing.
27th-Jan-2009 07:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! Blissed-out John is the best of all possible Johns.
26th-Jan-2009 05:09 am (UTC)
GUH. Don't worry your pretty little head about it, John; Rodney and Daniel will take care of everything. GUH.
26th-Jan-2009 06:22 am (UTC)
They're so considerate, aren't they? All he's got to do is lie there and look pretty, two things he's an expert at.
26th-Jan-2009 05:44 am (UTC)

I think you just picked my new SGA OT3!
26th-Jan-2009 06:22 am (UTC)
Hah! Thanks!
26th-Jan-2009 06:23 am (UTC)
You're welcome! It was an awesome story!
26th-Jan-2009 06:47 am (UTC)
Very nice! And Daniel, the man with all the experience in off-world travel, even brings lube! *g*
I like it how they drag John along - and he goes so willing, totally turned on by two hot scientist. I can understand him perfectly !*g*
27th-Jan-2009 07:24 am (UTC)
I'm certain Daniel's preparedness has saved SG-1's ass numerous times. Probably literally.

Would that I had Sheppard's problems!

26th-Jan-2009 10:33 am (UTC)
Oh, wow. I hadn't really considered John/Rodney/Daniel, but now I shall. Loved it. :)
27th-Jan-2009 07:17 am (UTC)
Thank you!
28th-Jan-2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
I saw Daniel on SGA for, like, 25 seconds, and I wanted this to happen. Thank you.
29th-Jan-2009 04:40 am (UTC)
Hee! Okay, how much do I ADORE Daniel talking about burning out the dilithium crystals? If John had even a single functioning brain cell, he would have known without a doubt they were fucking with him. I'll bet Rodney has things to say about Daniel's ineptitude at technobabble.

And then afterwards they go right back to geeky arguing!

My Daniel/Rodney love knows no bounds.
7th-Feb-2009 09:50 pm (UTC)
I'm sure, like, twenty minutes later, John was all, "You guys are a damn bunch of nerds."

I'm glad you liked it!
31st-Jan-2009 04:19 am (UTC)
"...Fostering communication with SG-1? Showing Dr. Jackson Atlantis's gratitude?" Oh, LOL!

This was Hot and Funny & I loved Rodney and Daniel's complete irreverence.
7th-Feb-2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
1st-Feb-2009 05:30 pm (UTC)

(having to mop up coffee, and calm frightened cats)
7th-Feb-2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I seem to have this bad habit of scaring people's cats?
2nd-Feb-2009 05:13 am (UTC)
Clueless John is lovely to behold, and those scientists can be bossy in just the right way sometimes. Great job.
7th-Feb-2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Everybody loves clueless John.
30th-Jul-2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
I like this. :)
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