The Midnight Rider (sabinelagrande) wrote,
The Midnight Rider

The choir: allow me to preach to it

1. How am I supposed to get excited about the National Equality March when it's consistently being reported as "Gays and lesbians rally" for "rights for gay men and lesbians"?

Won't somebody think of the bisexuals? We think of you. Naked. All of you.

2. I have a weird relationship with National Coming Out Day, even though I've been out since I was seventeen. I would like nothing more than to live in a world where it was that simple, where you could just wake up on a Tuesday, realize you were gay, come out on Wednesday, and never have to worry about it again. But I don't.

Being able to choose whether or not you disclose your sexuality is a privilege; it's not afforded to people who are in certain situations or locations, but it's also not afforded to people who can't pass. I didn't get to come out in the style of my choosing; I was outed. And, before that, when I finally realized I was bi, I was the last person to know. Everybody else had already long since decided I was gay. So you can kind of see how it's a little hard for me to jump and down about coming out.

3. Coming out isn't a day, it's a process, and, as rm noted, it never. stops. It's an extra level of complicated when you're bi. I refuse to let people believe I'm straight; I'm sorry, straight people, you're lovely and all, but I'm not one of you and I don't want to be. And I can't in good conscience let people believe I'm gay, because I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be gay. I mean, sure, I know all about what it's like to be persecuted for not being straight, but I know nothing at all about what it's like to be attracted exclusively to the same sex. I can't have people walking around thinking that I represent gay people, because I absolutely don't.

3a. And making sure that people know is one thing, but dealing with their response is quite another. The responses I've gotten have almost always been supportive, but that doesn't mean they've been good. We used to joke in college about the Bisexual Exhibit being like going to see the Crown Jewels (no stopping, no touching, please stay on the moving sidewalk); when people find out that you're bi, you stop being a person and you start being a sex object. People I have never met before have seen fit to ask me incredibly personal questions about my sex life- and this is not a few tacky people, it's one of the most common responses I've gotten.

And just because people support you doesn't mean that they're okay with it. The pressure to pick one or the other is constant; and I don't just mean the pressure created by statements like "you'll find the right man" or "bisexuals are just greedy" or "it's just a phase." I mean that people- people who you really like, people who you thought respected you, gays and straights alike- will ask you, to your face, when you're going to pick whether to be straight or gay. And then they will have the audacity to get upset when you start dating which ever gender they've decided is the wrong one for you to date, like you weren't totally up front about it from the beginning, like you're the one who's done something treacherous.

It's exhausting, you know? I'd rather have a day where I didn't have to reassert my sexuality to somebody; where can I sign up for National Nobody Gives A Fuck If You Like Tits Day?

4. I'm not the ambassador from Queerslovania (Have you read Shirtlifter? Because you totally need to). My being bi is not a political statement or an expression of my academic leanings; I'm not bi because I'm open-minded or because it's the done thing. I'm not gay and straight; I'm neither gay nor straight.

I am bi because I literally cannot understand why someone's gender makes a difference in whether or not I should fuck them. I know that other people must care, but I honestly don't know why they do. And it's not just sex; I don't understand how gender makes a difference in who you fall in love with. I don't get how people can make statements like, "If she was a guy, I would be all over her." I remember thinking things like that before I realized I was bi, but all those statements ended with "BECAUSE I LIKE BOYS, I SWEAR I DO, THOSE THOUGHTS ABOUT NAKED GIRLS ARE FROM THE DEVIL AND I CAN'T HEAR THEM, LA LA LA LA LA".

5. I don't give a shit if it's genetics or environment that made me this way; I don't give a shit if it's a choice; I don't give a shit if the Homo Fairy came in the middle of the night and sprinkled me with Bi Dust. I should have equal rights because I pay my goddamn taxes. Until my Queer Refund check gets here, I'm not gonna be pleased.

I would appreciate it if it came in a rainbow colored envelope as well.

6. This icon has nothing to do with anything; it's just that everything's better with Julian.
Tags: rants, rl, teh_gay
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