I feel like it's only fair to share the conversation that went with this story:
(09:28:03 PM) sabinelagrande: ....is it bad that this paragraph cracks me up?
(09:28:43 PM) sabinelagrande: also how many l's does eyefull have?
(09:31:42 PM) arymabeth: 'eyeful' looks right to me
(09:33:38 PM) sabinelagrande: so, like, Colonel Sadist is getting all psyched up to put the forcible moves on oops-my-shirt-fell-off!Rodney, right?
(09:33:57 PM) sabinelagrande: like you do, of course
(09:34:15 PM) sabinelagrande: and there is this paragraph:
(09:34:19 PM) sabinelagrande: John sighs, cracks his neck, tries to get in the right frame of mind- and how ironic is it that he's the one who always has to get psyched up for and talked into these things? Rodney just slips into it natural as breathing; he's humming something under his breath and futzing around with his dresser, moving things neatly out of the way, looking perfectly innocent even while he bends over to put something in a drawer, letting John get a good eyeful of his full, round ass.
(09:35:35 PM) sabinelagrande: and I can't stop giggling thinking of Rodney trying to fake innocence, all, "Doot doot de doo, putting away my hair brush, doot doo, sure hope there isn't a big rapist behind me or anything!"
(09:35:47 PM) arymabeth: :-D
(09:36:35 PM) sabinelagrande: like, maybe John takes too long, and he has to turn around and go, "I SAID, I sure HOPE there isn't a BIG RAPIST behind me!"
(09:37:26 PM) sabinelagrande: "Jesus, John, get with the fucking program! I'd do it myself, but I can't!"
(09:38:59 PM) sabinelagrande: (I should be ashamed of myself. but I'm not)
(12:45:52 AM) sabinelagrande: ...I just realized John never undid his pants
(12:46:29 AM) arymabeth: isn't John only wearing sweatpants?
(12:46:33 AM) arymabeth: you don't undo those
(12:46:55 AM) sabinelagrande: no, Rodney's wearing sweatpants. I don't think I ever said what John was wearing
(12:47:08 AM) sabinelagrande: though I figured it was just, like. idk. pants
(12:47:20 AM) sabinelagrande: (I AM A FUCKING ARTEESTE)
(12:47:20 AM) arymabeth: yeah
(12:48:19 AM) sabinelagrande: fuck, where does he undo his pants? I can't just write "ps John got his dick out"
(12:49:41 AM) sabinelagrande: there, problem solved
(12:49:54 AM) sabinelagrande: that shit would be messy as hell otherwise
(12:50:20 AM) sabinelagrande: ...though I guess that would be even more intense protection than wearing a condom
(12:50:23 AM) sabinelagrande: no pants, no dance?
(12:50:30 AM) arymabeth: indeed
(01:05:30 AM) sabinelagrande: I'm kind of in love with endorphined!Rodney
(01:06:00 AM) sabinelagrande: like, he's only a step up from, "dude, look at my HAND"