I started writing this in 2009; I was a late arrival to the SGA fandom, so that was pretty early into my time there. I worked on it a while, left it, worked on it again for a while in 2011 while I was cleaning up and posting my unfinished SGA stuff, then picked it up this week and finished it. A cursory search of my writing folder tells me this was the second time I tried to write a story based on this same poem (”He found my Being–set it up”). Apparently I was planning a Firefly story based on it, which i have no recollection of at all.
This story is kind of a spiritual companion piece to “knowing, not knowing, pretending” (which also has a poetry title now that I look at it), though I specifically left it open in that story as to what really happened to John. That story is also explicitly McShep, while this one isn’t (though it’s a perfectly valid reading). Both of them are stories of my heart, but this one is dearer to me; I’m sure part of that is because it was so long in the making, but the loss and grief in both of them is something that gets me every time.
So, that’s a lot of discussion of a story that’s under 2k words, but I have a lot of feels.
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